Dear Lord

how do i explain this fatigue that comes everytime i sit in meditation?
when i have time to think, my mind always walks back to this place where i am not doing enough, where i am not who i want to be just yet, where i am lonely and tired from not enough.

the work i want to do in your name is so far, my loves not perfect, and my soul so idle. give me my daily bread. show me my starlike destiny of today.

if only you'd take away this loneliness i might stop using it as an excuse... but i must stop anyway.

to be a changed person, to not disapoint myself, to not disapoint you, to not disapoint the ones i love, to "you jing bu"(have progressed).

month of april

watching naruto, i realised how come we love watching hard work and dedication yet do not excercise it?

watching love hina, it was repeated how if you love someone, that when the time comes to admit it in front of the world, we had better have the courage and humility to do it.

while dreading a failure in academics, i learnt the relationship between dependence on God and my share of hard work; that it takes dependence on God emotionally and spiritually in order to tap into the full potential with which i can do my best hardwork unhindered by weights on the heart.

while talking with a friend, i realised how misunderstood we sometimes are when we rationalise the possibilities, the perceived "good" outcomes are generally easy to plan for and to elaborate on; but when it comes to the perceived "losing" outcome, we are not always sure and so when we talk to others to understand for ourselves what we would do in that case, and only ask of this aspect, they say we worry too much that we are too negative. when in truth we are planning for both.

notasparrow