星期日, 6月 26, 2005

Sunday Morning

Lord, when I learn that someone is hurting,
Help me know what to do and to say;
Speak to my heart and give me compassion,
Let Your great love flow through me today. —K. De Haan

why the big deal

it's only for a month so why'd i make such a big deal

cuz i don't intend to say goodbye each time i leave
cuz i'm hoping this will be the first and shortest of many future escapades to further places...

yes i need a reason to stay in one place, but i've long lost my reason to a promise.

星期日, 6月 19, 2005

Joshua Chapter 1 private study

- Be only(**) strong and very(***) courageous, for God is with you wherever you go and will never leave you; no one can stand up against God(****).

**: "only" as in be strong and very courageous and not "be terrified; do not be discouraged."
***: "emphasis on courage.
****: if God is with you, who then can be against you?


- Meditate on the law constantly and follow it strictly and you will be successful and prosperous.

: following of the law is a condition to being successful and prosperous.



what follows are quotes from Joshua chapter 1 that i paraphrased, the reasons i thought the particual two messages important are because of the many repetitions or volume given to these.

be strong and courageous
be strong and very courageous
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, *
Only be strong and courageous!

no one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.
as i was with Moses, so I wlil be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
*for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.
Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

星期六, 6月 18, 2005

alone

whether it is circumstances or my own indecisiveness that result in me feeling alone,
i am tired of making the effort to provide time that is dispendable to others.

it is not loneliness, nor melancholy that drive me off this edge though they are without doubt influences; it is the mediocrity of life. mediocrity has toppled me.

Jesus said it right: living water, spiritual bread, sowing and reaping.
translated into: Christ himself, God's works for us, spreading awareness and belief for God's glory.
Jesus said it right, as he lead the samaritan woman from the faith of a mustard seed to all these. By declaring the savior she was blessed with life.

she accepted him, left her water jar, and went to tell all who would listen of a man that had told her all she knew about herself.

there is three similarities that come to mind immediately between her and i:
she and i have the same calling;
she and i are normal people, inadequate and weak requiring building up through God's guidance as each hurdle presents itself;
we both started out not living but in a state of living dead.

the difference is, i still feel like i am stuck in a tomb imposed by a distance between deity and i. In what way have i sinned against You Lord, that i or You have withdrawn from the other? Tell me if i have wronged You, and if i have tell me in which manner; in this way, i will know what to confess and change my ways. but if there stands no unaccounted sin though doubious this is, will You tell me why?

星期五, 6月 17, 2005

memories

came across a few happy memories while sorting my stuff tonight:

a receipt:
Images en Direct
(WOTHE: BR-R-R...)

a list scribbled onto an agenda:
March 3rd Gym Day with Jeremiah
June 2nd Coffee House at OCAC
June 16th Jing-Hua
June 21rst Homegathering at Justin's
June 27th Wendy's
August 3rd Bottle - Basketball - Missed Movie
August 25th Old Port - Chinatown

searches for God
lamb -> lion
(self-sacrificing, fierce)
delicate
sensitive
caring
bright
disciplined
conservative
quick to listen, slow to speak,
slow to anger
loving
puts others b4 herself

November 9th Mcgill, Eaton Center, shopping,
café.

星期三, 6月 15, 2005

like a toothache

ever felt like...
life was not so tough as to tell you you were alive through the pain
nor were you loved enough by who you wanted love from
or were looking in the wrong places for such care so as
not to make you feel warm enough to know your heart still beats
ever felt like admitting defeat

but did not
because hope forbade you to and asked you to live
a life which you were not content but could not be rid
of this life or the bland taste that each day came
to fill the mind and drive the heart to a numb insane
and at any moment you felt you could cave

have you ever felt this way
and continued to live?

星期五, 6月 10, 2005

help

teach me when not to talk
what words to say when it is time to
be with me in everything i do

for now this is plenty for me, remind me of these continuously that they become part of my life.
i don't want to be a nuisance anymore... i want to care for those i love, not not care and make things more awkward than they already are.

星期三, 6月 08, 2005

reminder

the other day, when asked one instance where God had worked in my life; i completely forgot this one which seemed to me an endless chain of coincidences that were simply too coincidental to be believed to be such.

i needed to get my form filled out for saturday, to submit it in order to go to taiwan; this would not have been a problem if it did not include a medical form, which required two medical exams; one was an x-ray which i did the previous night, to which the results had been sent to my doctor this morning. The second was a Hepatitis B test... these results could have been acquired at a hefty price early morning; instead, i found out very recently that my grandmother had hepatitis B and that i had been vaccinated for it a long time back.
That morning then, i was headed to the hospital where i had gotten the vaccination years ago after having been told by my current doctor that i would have to sign a releasal form for her to get at the information.
having gotten there, i headed to the office and asked if i could get this done and allow my doctor to retrieve the records from archives.... i told them the vaccination was from over 2 years when query of this came up; they then proceeded to inform me that documents are discarded after 2 years and that i would have to contact the original pediatrician that prescribed the vaccination.
Unfortunately, this pediatrician was now retired and all attempt to contact her in the past week had failed; my mother had, however, left a letter in the pediatrician's mailbox.
Fortunately my ex-pediatrician's office was located near the hospital and we proceeded to go there to check if she had at least picked up the letter.
The letter was still there... just as i was walking back to the car, the lady next door who was hanging laundry told me i should put it in the other mailbox (there are two mailboxes seperated by a little stretch of stairs and fence) i then proceeded to do so after talking with her, the conversation was slightly unclear because she was quite high up and took longer than i would have thought efficient but was glad for her assistance anyway. One last thing she told my mom and i was that doctor Chiu (the pediatrician) sometimes came to check the mail and phone messages. This gave some hope and so we started backing the car up to put it in a better spot while we considered whether to go grab some breakfast first.
A lady then walked up to the car and waved, peered into the car, my mother rolled down the window, that is when we found out she was also looking for the Dr.
My mother trying to be helpful told her that the Dr. had retired and was not at the office...
The woman exclaimed and told us that she was not actually a patient but had arranged to meet Dr. Chiu later this day and that she had simply arrived early.
SCORE! AAANNNNNNDDDD the records were later retrieved ^__________^
the FORM was FILLED OUT and i'm getting ready to leave for taiwan!
the AMAZING things...
-if my grandmother did not have hepatitis B i would not have gotten tested and vaccinated before.
-if my new doctor had not suggested that i could retrieve the records from the hospital i would not have dropped by my ex-pediatrician's office at that particular time(including departure time and waiting in line in the hospital) as it would have been far out of my way to do so.
-if i had not gone at that particular time, to her office, i would have not met the lady putting out her laundry and would not have been stalled.
-if i had not been stalled we would not have come across that lady who was meeting the Dr.
-if the car we had driven that morning out of 3 or so cars was not the red one and my mother had not been with me, she would not have mistaken my mother for Dr. Chiu and stopped us,
in which event we would not have known that Dr. Chiu was actually coming at such and such time.
At least 3 of these "coincidences" could very easily have made for a different outcome if they had not been there so "coincidentally" perfect.
God's time is perfect, and this is one instance that shows God working in my life.