alone

whether it is circumstances or my own indecisiveness that result in me feeling alone,
i am tired of making the effort to provide time that is dispendable to others.

it is not loneliness, nor melancholy that drive me off this edge though they are without doubt influences; it is the mediocrity of life. mediocrity has toppled me.

Jesus said it right: living water, spiritual bread, sowing and reaping.
translated into: Christ himself, God's works for us, spreading awareness and belief for God's glory.
Jesus said it right, as he lead the samaritan woman from the faith of a mustard seed to all these. By declaring the savior she was blessed with life.

she accepted him, left her water jar, and went to tell all who would listen of a man that had told her all she knew about herself.

there is three similarities that come to mind immediately between her and i:
she and i have the same calling;
she and i are normal people, inadequate and weak requiring building up through God's guidance as each hurdle presents itself;
we both started out not living but in a state of living dead.

the difference is, i still feel like i am stuck in a tomb imposed by a distance between deity and i. In what way have i sinned against You Lord, that i or You have withdrawn from the other? Tell me if i have wronged You, and if i have tell me in which manner; in this way, i will know what to confess and change my ways. but if there stands no unaccounted sin though doubious this is, will You tell me why?