不要担心

She looks at the photo and the drawing on my desk
Asking who it is.
In face of my silence, she asks, is it her?
I consent it is.

And a look of sadness comes across her face
She knows it’s been years since I’ve shown any interest in these matters
And thinks I’ve invested more of my heart than I should in this one
Fearing for me the disappointment and the hurt that just may well be to come

It is my initiative after all,
If I have chosen to blunt the possibilities,
There is no sense in boasting about opportunities that may have been.
But are not.
No sense in fearing disappointment when if given the chance
I would hope despite it
And gladly try to protect and to trust though risk there always is
Of the human heart to be broken.

Mother, do not be worrisome for me.
I am aware of what I ask for.

"it is not self-seeking"

randomness

can God make a rock he cannot lift?
i had an intricate answer for this previously... but today randomly thinking about it, another more elegant solution presented itself.

The rock that God chooses not to uproot, that is such a rock; for He is faithful. All rocks were made by God.
it makes logical sense.

portfolio

my heart is in a non-peaceful state,
i have trouble doing my work because of this.

*edit*
have you not learnt your lesson son, stop thinking of the futures that could be, the past that was and the present that you wish for but is not being. concentrate on doing your best for the present that is.

*edit2*
i feel like an amateur artist again, afraid to put down each stroke because what i am drawing is precious to me. man... i feel like i'm talking to a brick wall writing this on blog.