out of the blue

why is it, that out of the blue
the past comes back to haunt me
i think of times once upon a time
reminisce of that once when
you told me you were waiting for me
and the time that we sat in the guest's room
you asking me what was wrong
and me saying: nothing, that you should go to bed.
and i said it with a smile because i cared.
maybe not out of the blue,
mayhaps it be the loneliness i surround myself with
figures it comes about when i stay detached
detached from everyone only sometimes finding God.
so what is my starlike destiny Lord, to dream, to hope,
to pursue a made up life
or to wake and live and die living or trying.